The boo-boo

Years ago, I remember having a conversation with Thad about how much fun it would be to have a baby that had the same sense of adventure and independence as us, with a little kick of spitfire.

We didn’t know what we were asking for…cause we got it.

Ellia is all of those things…and much more. Of course we wouldn’t take any of it back because we love her little personality to death and we’d like to think we’re up for the challenge. “Like to think” being the key words there. Really we’re clueless in all this.

I won’t lie to you when I say that I have days when I'm not so sure I’m going to survive the spitfire we thought would be so fun.

Speaking of survival, I was just pulled away from the laptop to change Ellia’s blowout diaper… and when I say blowout, I mean a turd literally fell out of her diaper when I took her pants off. So yah, there’s surviving that.

So anyways, Ellia is at the age now where she clearly has an opinion and a will of her own, complete with an impressive amount of stubbornness. Whether or not she gets her opinion or her will is another story, but the fact is that it’s there. It’s very much there.

She loves being outside so the other day we went on our little excursion to the walking track in the neighborhood so she could run around and play in a big open space (there’s also a fence around the track, aka she can’t escape which is awesome for me).  

I offered her my hand to hold as we walked but she promptly refused it and ran in the opposite direction.  Three steps in and she tripped and went down hard.  I winced at her sad little “ow, boo-boo” and red scraped knees. After brushing her off and setting her back down, I offered my hand again.

Again, she pushed my hand away and went off on her own little adventure, this time landing herself in a pile of red fire ants.

Now if you’ve ever been bit by a florida fire ant then you understand how much I loathe those little objects of death. It’s not right how much pain can come from such a tiny little insect.

Her little face wrinkled and tears welled up as she just stood there getting bit.

I ran over and brushed them off as fast as I could, taking a couple bites on my hands in the process.  The two stings on my hand made my stomach do a little flip knowing how much her little legs were probably burning right then.

As a mother, there’s really nothing like feeling the pain of your child. It’s a different kind of pain that just can’t be described. Even just little ant bites.

There’s also something about flattening those ants into an oblivion that’s satisfying, but we won’t get into that.

This time as we turned to leave she reached up to me and I carried her back to the car in my arms.

Later as I was rinsing the gravel off her knees and examining her sad little polka dotted legs that had obviously lost the battle, I couldn’t help but think about how the Lord must feel the same way about me.

So many times in my life I’ve found myself in the same situation Ellia was in where the Lord offered His hand to me and said “come this way, Esther, I know the way.” But my stubbornness and strong willed spirit said “nope, I want to go THAT way!”

The end result was always pain.  

And I know that my pain, just like those ant bites causes Him pain too… why? Because He’s my Father. He loves me like I love Ellia but so so so much more, on a completely different scale that our human minds can’t even comprehend.

I may have carried Ellia and physically sustained her over these past 16 months of her little life but I didn’t design her little being, breathe life into her and know her very thoughts, her future, and the even the extent of her stubbornness.

How much more does it pain God when I refuse His hand and fall flat on my face as a result?

It’s been about a week since our little walk and Ellia’s scraped knees are just starting to heal over and the ant bites are slowly fading.

Ellia will point to her knees (seemingly hundreds of times a day) and remind me that she has a boo-boo there.

Those times of healing in my own life have taught me a lot about what it means to trust God and have been invaluable to my walk of faith and my relationship with Christ.

But that day on the track served as an eye opener for me to see things from a new perspective as a mother.  Ellia’s boo-boo’s will always hurt me too, and will serve as a constant reminder that the boo-boos caused by my own stubbornness hurt my Father even more than I'll ever know.